wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize