I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize