maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
