my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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