try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
