so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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