Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize