i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
