Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize