i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a hot homeless man
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
