I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you had me at cake vodka
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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