$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
