i just had sex bonerless
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize