I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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