she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
