I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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