Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
