the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize