tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
