anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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