and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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