I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
