i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
