Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
