All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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