Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
