So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He passed out mid-signature
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
