Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
