from now on my penis is your penis
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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