I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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