She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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