how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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