nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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