The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just high enough for therapy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
