what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
