I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
