I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pants are for mortals
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
