Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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