tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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