Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
