Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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