He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize