If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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