Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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