His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Boobs speak an international language.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
