so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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