I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize