I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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