So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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