hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize