if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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