A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
