he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
