She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
