A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize