Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
