Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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