Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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