i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
