"it" just moved
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
