How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
