today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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