haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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