Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
