there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize