he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
