Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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