Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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