Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
