Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
