I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My dick has a subreddit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
