Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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