i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
