The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
