take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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