Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
