If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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