sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
