The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
