Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Text me some of your sweat
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
