just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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