Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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