you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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