i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
