woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
