Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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