sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
