whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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