If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
