They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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