I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
