After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize