he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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