after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
