I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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