no, he came in my armpit
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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