The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
