I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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