sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
