My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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