Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
