Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Someone came in the potted fern
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
