it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
